Plus Size Diva

I think us women have a tendency to measure ourselves up to other women. This feeds our insecurities in the worst ways. The women we choose to measure ourselves against are usually what magazines, commercials etc deem beautiful.

It’s really funny because I can literally pin point my insecurities and when they flare up and over what. It’s quite irritating too…lol

As I’ve said 100 times before I’m very hard on myself. As much as I love my curves and as much as I love myself and who I am there are a lot of preset notions in my mind that feed my insecurities. For instance…I think curves on a woman are beautiful. I always have. BUT…In that same breath I feel that most men prefer women that are skinny, slim, etc…So my sexiness doesn’t measure up.

Let me explain a bit more. While watching tv with my boyfriend, a scene may come on where the woman is scantily dressed or a love making scene or something along those lines, I find I look away and it’s almost as if I’m ashamed of me…it’s not the scene or anything like that, it’s that in that very instant, in my mind, that is what is beautiful, that is what is sexy. The slim, skinny half dressed woman…not the chunky, curvy girl on the couch.

When I look at myself, I see the chunky girl with the pretty face. I don’t feel that I fit the sexy, or beautiful category at all. This is frustrating. It’s a state of mind that I am working on changing.

It’s so easy to talk the talk, and say yes I’m sexy, yes I’m beautiful, I don’t care what anyone says and so on…but the truth of the matter is, it’s a lot harder to walk the walk. We’ve been so conditioned to think that skinny is beautiful, when in fact, beauty is so much more than what you see on the outside.

It’s very frustrating to have days where I feel like I’d like to wash away down the drain…lol I have my good days and my not so good days when it comes to loving my body. I don’t want your acceptance..don’t misunderstand me…I want my own acceptance.

I want to wake up every day and love the body I have. Every jiggle, every dimple, every stretch mark. I want to look in the mirror day after day and feel beautiful from the top of my head to the tip of my toes. And I know that this starts and ends with me.

This entry was posted on Monday, August 15th, 2011 at 11:03 am and is filed under Beautiful Woman Journal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.