I’ve noticed something that quite irritating. The thing is, I don’t know if it’s because of my own insecurities that I notice it, and if in fact it even has anything to do with being plus size…

People don’t look me in the face when they talk to me. I have found that people look past me, over me, or just not at me in general. To me eye contact is such a strong communication on it’s own. I find it extremely insulting and hurtful that people do this. That doesn’t mean I want to be stared down either…lol So for any of my friends that read my blog…don’t get any wise ideas!

The reason I wonder if this is associated with my size, mind you this is my mind here…I can connect dots that aren’t even in the same book! LOL but anyways, I have ‘thin’ friends and when they are around, I notice this ‘phenomenon’ even more. I can remember standing next to a girlfriend of mine during a conversation that I thought I was a part of…apparently I was wrong…because although we were all talking and cutting up, no one would look directly at me.

I guess it would be different if I was a horrible person, with the personality of a wet washcloth or some grotesque growth on my face that no one wanted to be caught staring at….but I can cut up with the best of them. Granted I’m no social butterfly, but I’m not a complete outcast either…although I wonder sometimes..

I tell myself to get over it, but there are times that I want to scream “HELLO, Do you not f&(#ing see me! I am standing right here!!

So as you can see….my squeaky little annoying, paranoid, insecure voice has been screaming in my head. One day I am going to squash that little bug. One day!