I was thinking last night, yes I do have my times when I actually let my brain do this….

I was thinking about what I consider beautiful. How do I define beauty.

One thing that I have always wanted to do was be a photographer. I find beauty in nature. I love when the trees start turning from their gorgeous greens to their vibrant fire reds and oranges. I can remember flying into Ohio one time and looking out at the trees as we were fixing to land. The trees looked like they were on fire, it was gorgeous!

Or the water blue skies when there are no clouds to be seen. The purplish haze as the sun sets in the evening.

The biggest problem is…I can’t take a picture to save my life…trust me on this! I have a friend..I am sure if he has been keeping up with my blog he knows who he is….that after I know 10 tries of me cutting his head off, he quit asking me to take his picture while we were in Canada…LOL

But anyways..back to my point.

I find beauty in many things. I love white tigers. I have 2 tiger tattoos. LOVE THEM! When my husband and I first got married our apartment was decorated with my tiger things. I still have all of them, gorgeous paintings, framed pictures, a clock etc…

But you see, although we are able to find beauty in things like animals or nature, what is beautiful when we think about a person? Or even ourself?

You see, I have a hard time seeing beauty in myself. It’s that lack of confidence. So I started thinking about what I thought was beautiful.

The sad truth hit me…how can I think and feel beautiful when what I think is beautiful falls outside of what I am.

What I mean is, when I think of beautiful, in a woman so to say, in my mind I think automatically of ‘thin’. I picture women like Jennifer Love Hewitt, Alyssa Milano, Jennifer Lopez. All of which to me, are gorgeous! I’d kill to look like any one of them…lol

Don’t get me wrong, there are tons of beautiful plus size women out there…but in my mind, I know what my body looks like; each spot, dimple, roll and jiggle. And to me, I can’t make that beautiful.

But then I think…what about personality? Good example..I dated a guy once for several years who was great to look at…but a complete ass. He was mean, violent, and controlling. The more I knew him, the less I liked him. The less ‘nice’ looking he was. Then I think about a few friends that weren’t the greatest looking, but could make me laugh, hold me when I needed to cry, knew just what to say and when, that I could have easily been in a ‘happy’ relationship with.

But as sad as it is to say…when you think of beauty or being beautiful…the first thought isn’t about their personality, it’s purely about their look.

So for me defining what I think is beautiful is a stepping stone on my journey. I have to redefine this and set it in stone in my mind.

Which won’t happen over night…

Be Inspired!