Starting to Feel
I had the opportunity over the Halloween weekend to attend a seminar with my boss and a few of the people I work with virtually. At first I was a little apprehensive about going because I knew I would be meeting many of our clients as well as a co-worker that I have known ‘online’ only.
It amazes me at how my own perception of myself has such a negative impact on what I think other people think of me…did that make any sense? You see, the first thing I think when I walk into a room is, “Oh God, I’m the fattest person here” no matter how hard I try, it’s always there..floating and roaming around in the back of my mind.
But I decided that I wasn’t going to do that the entire time I was there. I wasn’t going to be so self conscious that I didn’t enjoy myself. So I dressed up everyday, wore my heels, my make up, did my hair, walked around like I owned the world.
The funny thing is, since then, I have worn heels almost every day. There have been maybe 3 days that I haven’t gotten up and fixed my hair and makeup. I have felt great. Sometimes when I walk by the mirror I’ll catch and unflattering look of myself, but instead of dwelling on it, I adjust my shirt, my pants, my hair, or whatever and smile. Then I move on. No second thoughts, no changing my clothes a hundred times because my ‘pouch’ shows, no getting frustrated with the way something fits and saying ‘screw it’ and putting sweats on.
I feel better, I feel sexier, and I am finally starting to feel like me…the REAL me. The me that I lost a long time ago..she’s is peeking through the barriers, just trying to decide when the right time to jump from behind them will be…
