As I started to really delve down deep into my soul of souls to truly try and find myself I realized that I didn’t even know where to start..How funny is that! Then another thought crossed my mind…was I really ready to face my own reality?

You see, I could easily blame my weight problem on many factors of my life…I have great parents, so don’t get me wrong there. But there were things that happened in my life that I was ashamed of, that I hid from them, when in truth, had I talked to them when they happened, would have probably saved me a lot of hurt and struggle down the road. I probably would have made better choices and my self esteem probably wouldn’t have tumbled down hill uncontrollably.

I have always been an emotional eater..then I became a bored eater…meaning that when I have nothing else to do..I grab a bite to eat. Not a good lifestyle and VERY hard to break. There’s no drug out there that will stop that one…at least not that I have found.

I have my good days and my bad days. But who doesn’t right? The truth is, I have to take responsibility for my actions today. I can’t keep putting it off or blaming something or someone else.

So when I look deep inside what I really see is someone that has allowed shame to rule her from the inside. Someone that has let incidents slowly push her true self in the dark. Someone that stood idly by and let the darkness fill her soul. I became a shell.

The truly bad thing is, it has begun affecting my marriage. And as much as I know this..I have waited for so long to make things better. How truly sad is that.